This morning I was touched by Peter Pollock’s post I am NOT OK. In it he wrote:
In church this weekend I realized that I have lost my joy. I am tired and grouchy and stressed constantly. I no longer even have any joy or comfort in my salvation… All these thoughts… have made me question again my own ‘achievements’. Really, what have I ever done that really matters? … I’m feeling like I’m missing my calling, not achieving what I should be achieving.
I am struck by the authenticity of his post.
Authenticity is big today. Most leaders know that. So, most leaders are choosing to reveal more of their weaknesses and their struggles to people.
But here’s something I’ve noticed…
Almost always when pastors or authors or even bloggers talk about their failures and their struggles, they talk those that are in their past. It tends to be an “I was once like you. Here’s how I overcame it.” bit.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing. I think there is value in pastors and other leaders revealing they have had similar struggles, showing there is hope, and providing guidance on how to get to the other side.
But let’s be honest, usually when we talk about a struggle we’ve already overcome it’s not so much about revealing our weakness as it is talking about the strengths that helped us gain victory over the struggle, right?
That’s why it’s rare to hear someone say publicly, “I am NOT OK right now.”
The temptation is to think, “If I want people to follow me, they need to have confidence that I know what I’m doing.”
So, that’s why I give Peter a lot of props for being authentic about his struggles while still in the midst of them. I prayed for him, offered him some encouragement, and will continue to do so.
Do you think pastors and other Christian leaders should reveal their current struggles with the people they’re leading? Or do you think it’s better for everyone involved if they keep those things private?
Are you being open about your current struggles with those around you?
[image by spunter]
I’d like to say I wasn’t okay but I am not being honest because I’m not sure how those around me will respond. If I said I felt lost and out of place, those closest to me in ministry (i.e. my senior leaders) would feel as if I were on the verge of abandoning them or jumping ship; then rather than support me they would feel compelled to try to convince me that what I am feeling is wrong rather than help me navigate my way through it. Experience has taught me that would be the response so I quietly navigate my way through my uncertainties on my own. I’ll have to go read Peter’s blog. Thanks for posting.
Makeda, thanks for your comment. I think a lot of people feel the same way you do. I hope you’re wrong, because if not it sounds like those around you care more about what can do for the ministry than they care about you.
Thanks, Paul.
I’ve learned that it is encouraging to people to hear someone say “I’m OK now. This is how it happened.” but it is equally as encouraging at times to hear someone say “I’m NOT OK.”
Somehow we often seem to think that we don’t have permission to not be OK. We need to have it all together at all times and admitting we’re not OK is just a sign of weakness or ungodliness. That’s just nonsense.
We’re all not OK at times – and it’s OK to be not OK 🙂
Great post, Paul.
Peter, thanks for stopping by to comment. I really appreciate you having the courage to say you’re not ok. You’ve challenged me. Hopefully it will challenge and encourage others to be more open when they’re not ok.
When you think of your ministry or your work as being yours, you can get really down. I have taught in Christian schools for 32 years. Some say “Wow! What an accomplishment!” Whatever has been accomplished is God working through me. I am a conduit – a pipe through whom God works. There are children and families who are God’s children who have been in my class. That is not because of me. Always remember that the faith we have is a gift from God. The faith of those to whom we minister is a gift from God. (Ephesians 2:8). The joy I have is not happiness, which depends on external things. The joy is because of what God has done through the work of Christ: He lived a perfect life for me, which He gave to me. Then He took my sins to the cross and paid the price for my sins — and yours, too. None of that has anything to do with what I have done. So that lifts burdens. Of course, I want to tell people about Jesus and what He has done, not because I have to, but because I get to! What a joy! Thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!
Great post. One thing I believe that we fear is hearing that someone is not okay, because we are not sure what to do with it. As a pastor I hear struggles from people, and every time I hear it I think to myself, what can I do? Most times there is nothing to do, nothing. Just be there with them and listen. But, I still have this feeling that I should be doing something. I think most people have this same trigger and they know that talking about today’s issues just makes everyone else feel bad, so they don’t.
I have also sat through 100’s of meetings of anonymous groups, a place where you are not allowed to even talk when others are talking, it teaches you to just be there and not take on their problems. Sometimes a safe place to be heard is just what we need. I think that is what the church should be, a safe place to be heard.
again great post.
Rusty, I hadn’t thought of that, but I think you’re right. We tend to not be very good at dealing with other people’s unresolved issues. We view difficulties as problems to solve, and we instinctively want to fix things for others (especially us guys).
I think it helps to realize that many difficulties we face in life are trials God is using to develop our character. God takes us into the desert for a reason. Nobody can carry us out of the desert or turn it into grassland, but the listening, love, and encouragement of others can keep us going to the other side and even help us get there sooner.
Have you read Bo’s Cafe? Great book by John Lynch. Its about this issue of finding a safe place to be who we are actually provides us with the grace we need to heal. It hits on the issues of hiding behind mask, and how do we trust others. Also a bit about what others can do to help us heal.
Rusty, no, that’s the first I’ve heard of it. I’ll have to check it out. Though, my reading queue is a bit long right now… http://twitpic.com/vmqce
Nice stack of books! I might need to read some them myself.